Three years ago, I bought a book out of curiosity because everyone talked about how great it was. I can’t remember if I finished reading it or if I got distracted midway (I think I did finish the book), but it was not over 300 pages long. It was called “The Alchemist” written by Paolo Coelho.
Fast forward to today, I picked up the book and started reading it again. I’m having troubles lately with life, particularly now that I’m unemployed and I feel that every job posting I applied to doesn’t want to contact me for an interview or I see myself unfit for the position. Basically, I’m having an existential crisis. I don’t know why I decided to read it again, despite the number of unread books sitting on my bookshelf. I even let my dad borrow it when he was sick so he wouldn’t get bored (he wasn’t able to finish it though, but he said it was good). I couldn’t put it down so I finished it in one day and boy, it made me realize a lot of things about life.
I read what is written on the book slowly because it says an important lesson each time I turn to the next page. My heart feels lighter after finishing it. And I was determined to take back my life once again.
Maybe it’s an omen- me reading the book for the second time. As the book says, “Listen to the Language of the World”. Living the unemployed life, having the same routine for six months, and not being able to get out more often, is taking the life and spark out of me. One day, I was on my way to my dream and the next thing I know, my heart stopped talking to me. Just like the boy from the book. I stopped reading the omens and all I could think of was how terrible my life is. I am lost, I have given up every possibility to get moving again and find my path. It was like I’m counting the days ‘till life gives me another opportunity to grab (or pass by). Which is a sad mistake of mine. I keep telling myself to grab all the opportunities I could get but the little voice in my head frantically shouts in my very existence the word “NO” and “DON’T”. And sometimes, I can’t fight it so I just let it consume me.
But I am learning every day to be unafraid and be reckless again. I just miss my old self, the one that is full of life, dreams, dedication, and love. I know I’ll find my way back and I’ll finally be able to continue living boldly again. I know I will. I know. I will.