“And here I am”

“It’s time” she said, knocking lightly on the old wooden door in my room. I looked at her, feeling nervous of what’s to come.

And I smiled, knowing in a few minutes, I will be holding a familiar hand.

I stood patiently outside, trying to balance the nervousness and the happy butterflies I feel in my stomach. They flutter and flew in many directions inside me. I breathe slowly: “This is it. This is it.” I whisper to myself.

With one last look at the bright blue sky, the heavy door opens and I am greeted with the warm air inside. Loved ones looking at me with tears in their eyes, as if like I was born again, wrapped in my mother’s arms in a white cloth. I held back the tears, knowing how beautiful to see faces of joy I grew up with all these years. This must be what my mother felt the day she cradled me in her arms, a fragile baby full of dreams and life.

flowers

The music started in soft tunes, trying to match the mood of everyone in the room. I tried to put my heart’s beating with the rhythm of the sound but it’s always a beat faster.

I walked in, balancing my steps so I wouldn’t trip. I smiled at everyone who has been a part of my life, thanking them silently with my heart for staying with me in this journey. My eyes instantly drew ahead of these faces and I saw my father. I almost told myself to run, to feel his embrace and cry like I used to when I was five, clutching my wounded knee to my chest when I fell on my bike. I saw him wipe a tear and flashed me a genuine smile I’ve come to loved. My father, trying to look so strong all the time. I give him a hug, the ones where I close my eyes so I can remember every night the feeling of being happy. I whispered to him: “I love you, you will always be my man.” before we break our hug.

And then, there’s you. Patiently waiting for me like I patiently waited for you. I looked at you and I remembered how it felt when we first met. I never thought you were the one, nor did I thought of everybody else’s that came into my life. But you, you stayed. You taught me to trust the unknown. I remember feeling happy when you break down my walls.

“I am here”, you smiled and took my hands.
“And here I am” I smiled back, reaching a familiar hand.

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